ENMHub

Compersion Cultivation

Finding Joy in Your Partner's Joy

What is Compersion?

Compersion is the feeling of joy that comes from seeing a partner happy with another person. It's sometimes called "the opposite of jealousy." Compersion isn't required for ENM—it's something that can be cultivated over time, and it's okay if you don't feel it.

Part 1: Recognizing Compersion

Think about times you've felt joy for someone else's happiness:

A time I felt happy seeing a friend succeed or find love:

A time I felt proud of my partner for something unrelated to me:

What did these feelings physically feel like in my body?

Part 2: Barriers to Compersion

What makes it hard to feel compersion? Check what applies:

Fear of being replaced

Comparison to the other person

Feeling like I should be enough

Past betrayals or cheating trauma

Scarcity mindset about love

Insecurity about my own worth

Fear of abandonment

Lack of quality time with my partner

Feeling disconnected from my partner

Not knowing the metamour

Cultural/religious programming about monogamy

Uncertainty about the relationship

Other barriers for me:

Part 3: Reframing Exercises

Practice shifting perspective:

When my partner is excited about someone else, what does their happiness add to my life? (Examples: they come home energized, they're a better version of themselves)

If I imagine my partner as a garden, how might another connection help them bloom?

What would I want my partner to feel when I'm happy with someone else?

Part 4: Building Compersion Practices

Small steps to cultivate compersion over time:

Ask my partner about their date with genuine curiosity

Notice one thing I appreciate about my metamour

Celebrate when my partner shares good news about a connection

Practice gratitude for what my partner brings to my life

Journal about moments of unexpected compersion

Share my own joys openly to model vulnerability

Focus on abundance mindset: "Love isn't finite"

Get to know my metamour (if everyone is comfortable)

Part 5: Tracking Progress

Note moments of compersion, no matter how small:

Date	Situation	What I Felt	What Helped

Remember

Compersion isn't a requirement, and feeling jealousy doesn't make you a bad ENM practitioner. Both feelings can coexist. Be patient with yourself—compersion often grows naturally as trust and security deepen.