ENMHub
Conversation Scripts
Ready-to-Use ENM Communication Templates
How to Use These Scripts
These scripts are starting points—adapt them to your voice and situation. Practice saying them aloud before important conversations. Remember: timing and tone matter as much as words.
1. Disclosing ENM to a New Partner
Best used early in dating, before significant emotional investment.
Opening
"Before we go further, there's something important I want to share with you. I practice ethical non-monogamy, which means I'm open to having romantic or intimate connections with more than one person, with everyone's knowledge and consent."
If They Have Questions
"I'm happy to explain more about what this looks like for me. Right now, [describe your current situation—partners, relationship style]. I wanted you to know this so you can decide if it's something you're comfortable exploring."
If They Need Time
"I understand this might be new to you. Take whatever time you need to think about it. I'm happy to answer questions whenever you're ready."
2. Proposing Opening a Relationship
For existing monogamous partners. Choose a calm, private time.
Opening
"I've been thinking about something I'd like to discuss with you. This isn't about anything being wrong with us—I love you and our relationship. I've been curious about ethical non-monogamy and wanted to talk openly about whether it's something we might explore together."
Addressing Concerns
"I know this might bring up a lot of feelings. I want you to know that your feelings and boundaries are important to me. This is just the start of a conversation, not a demand or ultimatum. What are your initial thoughts?"
If They're Not Interested
"I appreciate you listening and being honest with me. Our relationship is more important to me than pursuing this. Thank you for hearing me out."
3. Setting or Reinforcing a Boundary
Clear Statement
"I need to share a boundary with you. [State the boundary clearly]. This is important to me because [brief reason]. I need you to respect this going forward."
If Boundary Is Questioned
"I understand you might see things differently, but this boundary isn't negotiable for me. I'm not asking you to agree with my reasoning, just to respect my limit."
After a Boundary Violation
"When [specific action] happened, it crossed a boundary we had agreed on. I need us to talk about what happened, understand why, and figure out how to prevent this in the future. How you respond to this matters to me."
4. Regular Check-In Prompts
Use these for weekly or monthly relationship maintenance.
Opening the Check-In
"I'd love to do our check-in. How are you feeling about us and everything else going on in your world?"
Key Questions to Cover:
- "Is there anything you've been wanting to talk about but haven't brought up?"
- "How are you feeling about our agreements? Anything you want to revisit?"
- "What's something I did recently that made you feel loved/appreciated?"
- "Is there anything you need more of from me right now?"
- "How are you feeling about [other relationships/dating]?"
- "What are you looking forward to with us?"
5. Discussing Jealousy
Sharing Your Jealousy
"I want to share something vulnerable. I've been feeling jealous about [specific situation]. I'm not blaming you or asking you to change anything—I just want to process this with you and maybe get some reassurance."
Responding to Partner's Jealousy
"Thank you for telling me. I want to understand what you're feeling. Can you tell me more about what triggered this? What would help you feel more secure right now?"
6. Requesting Reassurance
Direct Request
"I'm feeling a bit insecure today and could use some reassurance. Would you be willing to [specific request: remind me why you love me / spend some quality time together / tell me what you value about our relationship]?"
Offering Reassurance
"I want you to know that [specific affirmation]. My connection with [other person] doesn't diminish what we have. You're important to me because [specific reasons]."
7. Pausing a Difficult Conversation
Taking a Break
"I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and don't want to say something I'll regret. Can we take a 20-minute break and come back to this? I promise I won't leave it unresolved."
Returning to the Conversation
"Thank you for giving me that space. I've had time to think, and here's where I'm at now... [continue conversation]."
8. Ending Things Respectfully
Breaking Up
"I care about you, which is why I want to be honest. I've realized that [reason—be honest but kind]. I think the healthiest thing for both of us is to end our romantic relationship. I'm grateful for [something positive] and wish you well."