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Jealousy First-Aid Kit

Tools for When Jealousy Arises

Remember

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, not a character flaw. It often signals unmet needs or fears that deserve attention. This worksheet helps you process jealousy constructively rather than suppress or act on it reactively.

Part 1: In-the-Moment Grounding

Use these techniques when jealousy feels overwhelming. Do not make major decisions or have difficult conversations until you've regulated.

5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Grounding

Name out loud or write down:

5 things I can SEE:

4 things I can TOUCH/FEEL:

3 things I can HEAR:

2 things I can SMELL:

1 thing I can TASTE:

Box Breathing

Breathe in for 4 counts → Hold for 4 counts → Breathe out for 4 counts → Hold for 4 counts. Repeat 4-6 times.

Part 2: Identifying the Feeling

"Jealousy" is often a bundle of other emotions. Check all that apply:

Fear of abandonment

Fear of being replaced

Feeling left out (FOMO)

Feeling inadequate/not enough

Envy (wanting what they have)

Feeling disrespected

Loss of control

Uncertainty about the relationship

Feeling unloved or undesired

Comparison to others

Grief for how things were

Anxiety about the unknown

Other feelings present:

Part 3: Finding the Root

What specifically triggered this jealousy? (Be as specific as possible)

What story am I telling myself about this situation?

Is this story definitely true, or could there be other explanations?

What unmet need might this jealousy be pointing to?

Does this remind me of anything from my past? (old wounds, patterns)

Part 4: Self-Soothing Scripts

Try saying these to yourself (out loud if possible):

Validation

"It's okay that I'm feeling this. Jealousy is a normal human emotion. This feeling will pass."

Reassurance

"My partner being with someone else doesn't mean they love me less. Love is not a finite resource."

Grounding

"I can handle difficult emotions. I've felt jealous before and gotten through it. I am safe right now."

Write your own self-soothing statement:

Part 5: Constructive Actions

After regulating, consider these options:

Journal about what I discovered

Schedule time to talk with my partner

Do something nurturing for myself

Reach out to a supportive friend

Review our relationship agreements

Plan quality time with my partner

Engage in a hobby or distraction

Practice gratitude for what I have

Consider therapy if this is recurring

Request specific reassurance from partner

Part 6: Conversation Starter

When you're ready to talk to your partner, try this framework:

Opening

"I want to share something vulnerable with you. I've been feeling jealous about [specific trigger], and I'd like to talk through it together."

What I want my partner to know:

What I need from my partner right now:

Intensity Tracker

Rate your jealousy intensity over time:

Initial:

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After grounding:

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After reflection:

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